The Back to School Gift To Give Yourself

I can feel it. Lazy mornings are down to a handful. Unstructured days are going extinct. The shaking ceilings and echoing voices in the house will be quieted next week- once again, the kids are going back to school.

Last week, I found myself going from content at the fun we've had this summer to miserable. In tears. Unmotivated. Why? Well, I remembered all the stuff I intended to do to, with, and for the kids once school got out. I remembered the first day of vacation thinking that the next 10 weeks or so were my oyster. I had seemingly all the time in the world to beef the kids up on their math skills, reading skills, and people skills. I envisioned them being more prepared than boy (or girl) scouts at a Camporee to take on the school year with unwavering confidence. I was already patting myself on the back for coming up with such lofty goals. And then summer came.

The challenge of screen time reared its ugly head. I was caught up in having a few moments to myself to get stuff done in peace, and time escaped. I would print out  the math worksheets or flash cards and would be met with groans, weeping, wailing and the gnashing of teeth. I would get library books and although the older kids loved the series they began, the younger two either complained that the books I chose were too hard, or not hard enough. And when I wasn't up to doing adult, I became lazy. I tried. And tried. And tried. I realized that those goals I had were lofty, but if I tried to measure success in the acquisition of 4 perfectly cultured and educated robots, then I had failed. Epically.

What do you do as a Mom when you look back at this summer with regrets? What if the kids you thought you would have at summer's end don't quite look like the kids you have? Life is a mixed bag. Which means that even if you look back and see regrets, there are good things to see as well.

In my case, I look back and see the one on one's I've had with the kids. I got to really enjoy who they are growing up to be. There have been moments of robust laughter. When life felt like helium instead of lead. And we laughed till we cried. There were big victories relationally, like when I saw three of them weep at their brother being left behind from a camping trip because he had a high fever. Or when they self boycotted a video game because they noticed that they often fought when they played it. There were splashes in the ocean and toads caught in the creek. There was ice cream for dinner, and spontaneous jam sessions in the van. There was... Fun.

Can I shoot straight with you? I think that along with the Ticonderoga pencils and new shoes, there's a gift that you need to get yourself. It won't affect your bottom line, but it will affect how you feel when you hit rock bottom. Are you ready?

REMEMBER THE WINS.

Everyone has regrets. Everyone. We all have things we wish we could have done differently. But instead of beating yourself up for the things you did wrong, how about choosing to celebrate the things you did right? Most likely, there are people in your life who do just that. Your kids.

A few weeks ago, I was browsing Pinterest, and an article caught my eye. "10 Ways You Can Be a Better Mom". Before I could read it, my 12 year old snatched my phone away. "Hey! What did you do that for?" I declared. With his trademark singly raised eyebrow, and a calm demeanor, he said, "You don't need to read that. You're already a GREAT Mom." Children measure wins differently than we do. And maybe we would do well in following their paths.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 NLT

When regret's acidity sours the back of your throat, REMEMBER THE WINS. When comparison threatens to steal your joy, REMEMBER THE WINS. When time zooms by at a breakneck pace, REMEMBER THE WINS. When your sleep is robbed by watching your mistakes over and over, REMEMBER THE WINS. Remember all the fun you had with your kids this summer, and all the reasons they love that you're their Mom. They have no regrets; why should you?

Soul Seasons, Part 3: Summer

It's rainy and cold now, but come with me to the day when I first wrote this. It was 90 degrees outside, and there was a balmy breeze blowing. It was a day many have been waiting for and dreaming of since the wintertime. The rhododendrons in my neighborhood are in full bloom. Even the trees seemed to be swaying their branches in a happy way; warm weather looks delightful on them. When I think of summer, I think of chances to relax, drippy glasses of lemonade, and the gritty, cool sand of the beach. I admit that although summer isn't my favorite season, I am finding beauty in it. All I can think of are the scrumptious berries that I've been missing out on, and the watermelon that makes hydration easy for my kids, the unrushed mornings that bring joy to our day, and the extra time spent with family and friends around picnic tables and bonfires. 

Summer seems to bring with it a sense of overabundance. Overabundance of sunlight, fun, fruits, and family time. Summer of the soul is much like that. You find yourself in a place of abundance. It seems like everything is clicking with you. You have more than enough- but not necessarily monetarily. Counting your blessings comes easy, and you appreciate that, because life isn't always like this. You are in a sweet spot. Even if you aren't in summer of the soul right now, I bet you can remember a time when you were, while holding on to hope that you will be once again.

How can we adjust to soul summer in a way that would promote peace and joy in our hearts?

Give thanks.

It's easy to forget to be thankful when everything seems to be lining up. Sometimes in the excitement of blessings, we forget to bless the One who brought it along. It's the heart that has known seasons of loss or paring back that can thank God. Those branches heavy with green leaves once was barren. That lush bed of grass just a few months back was once dead and covered in a mountain of snow. Remember back to when you prayed for those things now in your arms? Give thanks. Thank God for His blessings, and His faithfulness. Thank Him for those things you overlook, like that sweet sale, the love of a friend, or your health. It was a DVD of singing vegetables that taught me that a thankful heart is a happy heart.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Gratitude says, "I know You didn't have to give it, but You did." "I prayed for this, and You answered the cry of my heart." "I don't always remember to thank You for ________, but today, I'm remembering." It keeps the channel of blessing open, because it is a constant reminder that God is good, and that He is the source of every good and perfect gift.

Give of Yourself.

I've caught myself when I'm tempted to hoard. I'm not proud of those moments. When I'm selfish, I block out everyone else but me. My needs. My wants. My oh my! But when I open my clenched fist, and give to others, I'm filled with a different kind of satisfying joy- the joy of passing along a blessing to someone. You've felt it too. I know people who live for the reactions of those receiving their Christmas gifts. Maybe you get a high off of that money moment too. It really is more blessed to give than receive. And although giving out of our own need is a sacrifice, it can be just as fun to give out of our abundance. Not just money, but time. Talent. Even a simple text in one of your free pockets of time to bless someone can be giving of your extra. 

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

Summers of the soul are for giving; for giving thanks, and for giving of yourself. Enjoy every drop of sunshine on your soul, always remembering where it came from.

Keep your eyes peeled later on this week for my first collaboration with one of my favorite friends and writers, Osheta Moore! She is delightful in every way, an artisan of words and wielder of wisdom. Her blog is Shalom In the City, and she along with her husband and their beautiful family have recently made their home in Los Angeles. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but we've shared an experience with our kids in the month of May that we want to examine from two different perspectives. I am so excited for this east coast meets west coast connection, and am thrilled to introduce you to her heart. You won't want to miss it! :)

Soul Seasons, Part 1

 A few days ago, I completed a task I dread with every fiber of my being: switching fall and winter clothes for spring and summer clothes. Wait, I think I just made this Herculean task sound like a trip to the pharmacy.  If only it were that easy. I take out 90% of the clothes from each drawer, dig plastic bins out of the closet, painstakingly go through each folded item, figure out if it'll fit the child or not, and either put it in the now emptier drawer, place it in the pile to consign, or place it in the pile to donate to the thrift store. Then I have to put away things, clean my mess, and do it all over again. Times 3. It's mind-numbing drudgery, only made more palatable by listening to music and making sure the kids are in school. And I do it all because of one simple fact: seasons change.

It would be weird to let my kids traipse on the playground in 90 degree weather wearing long sleeves and long pants, right? Imprudent if I let them wear their thick winter jackets to the beach, correct? With the changing of seasons comes a necessary flexibility on our part. Some may rejoice at the thought of changing things over from winter to spring. I mean, who wouldn't be excited about putting away snow shovels and bringing out garden equipment? Well, maybe some. But I digress. Then there's the changing of seasons from summer to fall, and then even tougher, from fall to winter. I love me some autumnal goodness; yet I have friends who hate the fall because of what's coming afterward. Seasons seem to draw emotions out of us that we don't even know are there. Seasons are a pretty big deal- they even determine where people prefer to live. The point is, there isn't one person on Earth who isn't effected by seasons; in climate, or of the soul.

You see seasons in climate are quite conspicuous. I can see flowers growing where there once were mountains of snow. I can see leaves growing on tree branches that once were bare. And my coat? Optional. It's downright comfy outside- a far cry from the muscle tensing, sub-zero wind chill factors of a few months ago. Seasons of the soul however, those are more inconspicuous. More personal. More palpable.

What season is your soul in? Are you in spring? Do you see lots of emotional, spiritual, and mental growth? Is there newness all around you? Or are you in summer? Are you finding the joy in everything? Are you finding deep pockets of rest and refreshment? How about autumn? Are you in a place of letting go? Are you finding the beauty in the releasing of things? And finally, are you in winter? Are you a bit withdrawn, growing silently yet steadily, like a seed under a blanket of snow? I have to be honest: I feel like I'm in autumn. And although I love me some autumnal goodness, letting go can be hard. Letting go of control. Letting go of comfort zones. Letting go of all the things I counted as essential to me feeling like I'm in the drivers' seat instead of the back row.

While I made the clothes switchover, I was carefully taking inventory. Wes and Janessa need more shorts, while Evan doesn't need much. Grant could use a few more shorts, but other than that he's all set. Three out of four Martins need flip flops. With each season of the soul, we need to be taking careful inventory of what our souls need to thrive in that particular season. Could you use more alone time? Would your heart benefit from a class? Would more margins in your schedule be beneficial, or could you use some more meaningful activity? And where do God, grace, and faith fit into all that?

Since every season takes up a certain amount of time, I'm going to carve the four seasons of the soul into my next 4 blog posts. My hope and prayer is that depending on what season of the soul you're in, one will resonate with you. You might even be in between seasons- cause there's such a thing as that too. Sprummer, anyone? :) Let's journey through this together. Let's see what treasures we'll find as we explore how spring, summer, autumn, and winter of the soul can affect what we dig out, and what we put away for a while.