Soul Seasons Part 4: Soul Autumn

Autumn is without a doubt my favorite season. The rainbow of leaves above, the coziness of soups and yes, cups of tea, and the sweet autumn air make it irresistible to me. But two things that are honest confessions for me are 1- I have been dreading writing this blog post, and 2- I dislike autumn as a soul season- at least I feel that way now.

You see the autumn that wraps nature in a robe of beauty, and the soul autumn I'm experiencing don't feel the same. Physical autumn is eye candy. Soul autumn is agony at times. In soul autumn, there is a dying to self, a letting go, and the close of a chapter. It was a few months ago that Steve and I felt the Holy Spirit telling us that our season at our church was coming to an end. The 9 glorious years spent there made it so hard to leave. The pastors are our dearest friends, the love is unmistakable, and we were comfortable. And yet, the direction from God was crystal clear. This journey with Jesus isn't always pretty. He will lead us into places that are downright painful; His purpose is our good, but more than that, His glory. 

When you find yourself at an end, an end of a relationship, a dream, a job, it can feel so bitter and bare. Sometimes we can see the writing on the wall when we're in a relationship/job/friendship/etc that drains us of our joy; it almost makes it easier to leave when things get sour. But what about when things are still sweet and there's an ending? It reminds me of the trees in fall. Summer begins to exit, and the bright green leaves start to turn. From verdant to gold, orange, or red. The leaves don't show any sign of distress when the change starts to happen. When soul summer becomes soul autumn, questions swirl in the air like falling leaves. "Why does this have to end?" "Why now?" "Why do things have to change now that I'm happy?" Have you ever found yourself asking questions like that to God? 

I've found myself fluctuating between excitement at this new God adventure, and feeling bare. Bare like a branch that had a beautiful cluster of flowers clipped from it forever. There is no mistaking though- those flowers are clipped because the gardener has new growth in mind for that branch. Growth like the branch has never seen before. God is leading us on from our church because He has new growth in store for us. Still though, I am grieving what was, while waiting for concrete proof that it was all worth it. The only hope and reward I have left after this pruning is God's presence, and His promises. His presence that stays with me while I'm in this season, and His promise that He blesses obedience. If this is you too, we're in the trenches together. Maybe you said goodbye to someone you loved, after asking God for a miracle. Maybe your job transferred you from one place to another, and you are faced with saying goodbye to friends, family, and a house. God has growing in mind for you. And what parting gifts is He imparting to you? His presence, and His promises. And while you're holding on to those with sweaty hands, and a lump in your throat, consider these two ways you can thrive in this season.

Refocus.

Maybe like me, you were so comfortable that you were on auto pilot. The cadence of your surroundings was in sync with your very heartbeat. And then the ending comes, and you are thrown off. Take some time to refocus. Who are you? What defines you? The things that you do, the relationships you are tied to, or the fact that you are a child of God? Remember that He gives you your worth, priceless one- not the gifts that He's given you. Lock eyes with Him- not on the beautiful flowers He's clipping off of you. His very life is coursing through your veins. And if His life is in you, you will grow anew. You are rooted and established in His love. Refocus on that truth in the midst of your grief. This might be the end of something, but it's not the ending of you. In fact, you are at another beginning. There is less of an extension of yours, but this cutback is positioning you for a comeback. 

Let Go.

Those technicolor leaves end their fiery display in being let go. I never realized that there is a double beauty in the changing foliage. Those gorgeous leaves go from bedazzling every bough of every tree to hurtling in a dazzling descent, blanketing the ground like a patchwork quilt. Those leaves are just as beautiful on the ground as they are on the tree. Their story isn't over though. As those leaves die, they break down, and bequeath their rich organic material to the soil underneath so that it's positioned to incubate new life, and enrich existing life.

So you see, the letting go of what God has called you to nourishes dreams, relationships, and seasons that are yet to be. Goodbyes are painful. Goodbyes make a heart ache. But goodbyes prepare for hellos. I find comfort in knowing that God isn't asking me to suck it up, and move on, never looking back. He is asking me to heal in forward motion. He is infusing my fingers with courage while they close this chapter to open a chapter yet unwritten. And He is happy to offer His shoulders to cry on when I'm feeling the pangs of missing out on the season I'm saying goodbye too. He fills the awkward space between the goodbye and the new beginnings with His steadfast love that makes us at home in every season. 

You can trust that as you let go, the hollow of your empty hand is the perfect receptacle for you to receive grace that will sustain you in this leg of the race. Grace that will cushion your heart in the act of letting go. 

May you see the beauty in this bittersweet season, just as I'm learning to.  I don't know what it is that you've let go of. I bet it was painful; it always is. However, in the midst of the aching, you can trust that the Gardener of your soul is taking extra care to ensure you're ready to grow, and that He will use what He pruned to nourish things yet to be. For with God, nothing is wasted.

Baptism, Courage, and Obedience

Life is all about choices. And Grant, my 7 year old, is determined once he's made one. It was an atypical Sunday; Steve and I were filling in as MC's for our church service. As a result, our kids went to their Kids' Life class for the first service, and stayed in with the adults for the second. Apparently, an announcement we made piqued Grant's interest. We gave a heads' up to the upcoming baptism service. After we finished, we headed out to lunch. Grant couldn't contain his excitement any longer. "I want to be baptized!!! Can I?" I thought for a moment, and looked at Steve, and as we considered his age, and what he knew about God, we took some time to explain what baptism was. It is an outward symbol of an inward change. He was on board 110%, and last Sunday, he took the plunge.

If I turned the clock back 26 years, I would see myself in the same and yet completely different place Grant was. My parents has recently split up, and I was joining a new church in a new denomination. In my heart, I desperately wanted to be part of this new church family, and identify myself as a follower of Christ. I hated getting my hair wet, and hated being underwater, but I was willing to look past all that to take this step of obedience. Most of my family was baptized that day; it symbolized a fresh start as a family, and a new commitment to Christ.

Grant was quieter than usual the morning he was baptized, but I could tell he had adrenaline in his veins by the confident smirk he donned. I love that smirk. It's the one he gives when he is excited about something but doesn't want to overtly show it. My husband got him changed into his swim trunks and rash guard, and the whole service, he was like a Christmas tree before its first lighting. Finally, the moment came. He carefully climbed the stairs, and I saw relief rush into his face when he sensed the water was warm. My pastors guided him into the right spot in the tank, and whispered words of reassurance to my son. Then Pastor Joe lowered my son into the tank, and pulled him out. Cheers erupted in the Gathering. The first thing he said afterward was, "I am soaked!" After the laughter had died down at his honesty, Pastor Abi declared, "He said he's soaked! Covered in Jesus' love, right?" How right she is.

The first thing that hit the water wasn't my feet that day; it was Grant's feet. Because those little feet have their own journey to take with God. A journey that will look different than mine to places I'll never go. They'll brave steep, sharp, painful places I'll never experience; and will dance dances that I'll never dance. They will rush to meet needs I'll never meet, and as they grow, will carry him farther than I'll ever see. Seeing him make the choice to be baptized, and walk in obedience was a big reminder that God has no grandchildren. Only children. There will be parts of Grant's story that will make me cringe, break my heart, and want to soak my pillow with tears. There will be moments in his life that I'll want to photoshop, delete, and expunge, and yet I won't be able to. I don't have the authority. And even the One who does, although He'll forgive Grant's sins and bring him restoration, refuses to erase the ugly altogether. Why? Because the things that Grant goes through can and will be used for God's glory, so why should they be edited out? There will be a more clear picture of grace that will come from God shining through his cracks and fissures than could come from him leading a glossy life with no mistakes. And friend, the same is true of us.

I remember talking to Pastor Abi about Grant's milestone afterward, and she remarked, "Did you notice that he didn't even plug his nose before he went under?" My eyes widened; I hadn't noticed. I flashed back to my face before I went under the water in baptism. Eyes clenched, jaw clenched, the terrifying sound and sensation of water rushing in my ears, and not only was my nose plugged, the Pastor was plugging my nose as well. That 8 year old girl was steeped in fear in more ways than one. And yet here was my son; fearless. Bold. Unwavering. Not once did he tell me or show me that he was afraid. My prayer is that for the rest of his life, he would live "unplugged". That his whole being would be submerged in the love of Christ without any fear lurking. That he would walk in obedience to God without apology or shame. For that is the life he was meant for; that is the trajectory most conducive for world changing. I'm convinced that he will teach me more as my brother in Christ than I will teach him as his Mom. As I kissed his forehead and tousled his damp hair afterward, I realized that I was in the presence of a warrior. The same King of Kings that Grant's allegiance is pledged to will be the same King of Kings that will steady this Mama's heart when that allegiance is lived out. 

May we lose ourselves in trusting God with our most rich and priceless inheritance; the next generation. May fear fall by the wayside when we realize that the choice is ultimately theirs. And may we lean into Christ more and more every day, giving our kids an imperfectly perfect picture of what to shoot for; because most likely, they will go far beyond that. 

It's my great honor and privilege to be able to introduce my beautiful friend, kindred spirit, and wonderful wordsmith Osheta Moore to you. She is a Pastor's wife, Mom, blogger, Children's pastor, and recently moved to Los Angeles from Boston. Her children, TJ and Trinity were baptized the same month as Grant, and she has written about her children's brave and beautiful journey HERE. I have no doubt you'll enjoy her refreshing take on life as much as I do! Make sure you subscribe to her blog, Shalom in the City for more nourishing soul encouragement.

Soul Seasons, Part 3: Summer

It's rainy and cold now, but come with me to the day when I first wrote this. It was 90 degrees outside, and there was a balmy breeze blowing. It was a day many have been waiting for and dreaming of since the wintertime. The rhododendrons in my neighborhood are in full bloom. Even the trees seemed to be swaying their branches in a happy way; warm weather looks delightful on them. When I think of summer, I think of chances to relax, drippy glasses of lemonade, and the gritty, cool sand of the beach. I admit that although summer isn't my favorite season, I am finding beauty in it. All I can think of are the scrumptious berries that I've been missing out on, and the watermelon that makes hydration easy for my kids, the unrushed mornings that bring joy to our day, and the extra time spent with family and friends around picnic tables and bonfires. 

Summer seems to bring with it a sense of overabundance. Overabundance of sunlight, fun, fruits, and family time. Summer of the soul is much like that. You find yourself in a place of abundance. It seems like everything is clicking with you. You have more than enough- but not necessarily monetarily. Counting your blessings comes easy, and you appreciate that, because life isn't always like this. You are in a sweet spot. Even if you aren't in summer of the soul right now, I bet you can remember a time when you were, while holding on to hope that you will be once again.

How can we adjust to soul summer in a way that would promote peace and joy in our hearts?

Give thanks.

It's easy to forget to be thankful when everything seems to be lining up. Sometimes in the excitement of blessings, we forget to bless the One who brought it along. It's the heart that has known seasons of loss or paring back that can thank God. Those branches heavy with green leaves once was barren. That lush bed of grass just a few months back was once dead and covered in a mountain of snow. Remember back to when you prayed for those things now in your arms? Give thanks. Thank God for His blessings, and His faithfulness. Thank Him for those things you overlook, like that sweet sale, the love of a friend, or your health. It was a DVD of singing vegetables that taught me that a thankful heart is a happy heart.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Gratitude says, "I know You didn't have to give it, but You did." "I prayed for this, and You answered the cry of my heart." "I don't always remember to thank You for ________, but today, I'm remembering." It keeps the channel of blessing open, because it is a constant reminder that God is good, and that He is the source of every good and perfect gift.

Give of Yourself.

I've caught myself when I'm tempted to hoard. I'm not proud of those moments. When I'm selfish, I block out everyone else but me. My needs. My wants. My oh my! But when I open my clenched fist, and give to others, I'm filled with a different kind of satisfying joy- the joy of passing along a blessing to someone. You've felt it too. I know people who live for the reactions of those receiving their Christmas gifts. Maybe you get a high off of that money moment too. It really is more blessed to give than receive. And although giving out of our own need is a sacrifice, it can be just as fun to give out of our abundance. Not just money, but time. Talent. Even a simple text in one of your free pockets of time to bless someone can be giving of your extra. 

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

Summers of the soul are for giving; for giving thanks, and for giving of yourself. Enjoy every drop of sunshine on your soul, always remembering where it came from.

Keep your eyes peeled later on this week for my first collaboration with one of my favorite friends and writers, Osheta Moore! She is delightful in every way, an artisan of words and wielder of wisdom. Her blog is Shalom In the City, and she along with her husband and their beautiful family have recently made their home in Los Angeles. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but we've shared an experience with our kids in the month of May that we want to examine from two different perspectives. I am so excited for this east coast meets west coast connection, and am thrilled to introduce you to her heart. You won't want to miss it! :)