A Tale of Two One on Ones

Confession: there are times that I look at my kids, and see them as 4 kids. To clarify, I see them as a group of individuals who need my attention, affection, and affirmation, instead of seeing them as just individuals. In the past two weeks though, I've had the gift of spending one on one time with two of my sons, Wes and Grant. 

Grant

Grant was supposed to join his 3 siblings on a camping trip with my mother and father-in-love, but a fever and cough stopped him dead in his tracks. The goodbye was agonizing for us all, as tears and words of love dripped all over Grant's hot-to-the-touch head. Steve left to drive the other three to camp, while I stayed home to care for Grant. I knew that I couldn't make up for the disappointment he felt; he'd been looking forward to this trip for weeks. So the overarching question that he and I had to answer was, "How can we make the best of a crummy situation?" 

We snuggled. We watched movies. We made s'mores dip in a cast iron pot. 

He chugged Gatorade and I sipped coffee. For the first time in a long time, it was just him and Mama. I watched as God changed my would-have-been date time with Steve to a once-in-a-great-while face time with my littlest boy. Steeped in the traffic of his sibs, his strong will often makes him misunderstood by me. But taking them out of the equation let me appreciate him for who he really is: chivalrous, compassionate, and deep. Even in his fevered state, he offered to help me around the house. He can discuss a movie plot like nobody's business. He was constantly mentioning his bros and sis, and wondering how they were doing. He has the heart of Despereaux, and I had him all to myself. 

Wes

As Evan, Grant, and Janessa went to VBS, their brother Wes had aged out of it. I had no idea what to expect when I dropped off the younger 3. Wes is on the cusp of turning 12, and my tween can sometimes be tough to read. Hear me when I say, I haven't had this much fun in a while. Wes and I joked, laughed, reminisced, and got each other, whether it was chatting over frappucino's or strolling the farmer's market.

 Our last day of sending them to VBS had Wes and I wondering what we'd do on our last day as a duo. We ended up at the mall, where I told him I was there to go in the stores he wanted to go into. He wrinkled his forehead and said, "But what about you? What about the stores you want to go into?" I said, "Nope! It's all about you today." He and I went into Game Stop and headed down to the other end of the mall. I lost track of the stores and just soaked in his company. All of a sudden, he pointed and said, "There's Yankee Candle! You like that store, right? It'd make you happy to go in there, right?" "Yes," I said, "But it's not where I want to go." "Sure you do!" he began gently pushing on my back and guiding me into the store. "Mom, I want to do what makes you happy!" I swallowed a lump in my throat. Later on that day, he paid me the highest compliment I've ever received from him: "You are a RAD Mom."

I can think of thousands of ways that I blow it. I can name you a dozen attitudes that I have that are wrong in my mothering. But the one that was brought to my attention through all this is that these one on one times are all too infrequent. I intend on penciling in Mom-and-son or Mom-and-daughter dates, but so many times I drop the ball. And yet I have a God who overrules Google Calendar. I didn't plan Grant's sickness, or really intentionally plan that I'd have time alone with Wes, and they happened: not as I planned, but as God ordained them. If nothing else, having one on one time with them encouraged me to make that happen more. But of course, there are other things I can learn from them :)

Catch Up on the Old

I loved my time with my men-in-training, because it reminded me of all the things I appreciate about them. In the day to day, it's hard to catch them doing something good when you're riding them for bickering, selfishness, or laziness...at least it is for me. Face to face time helps us as parents to accentuate the positive- to see with crystal clarity what makes our kids awesome. And the number one thing that makes our kids awesome is that they are OURS. Locking eyes with my young men reminded me of that- and I am forever grateful they get to be mine. Remember, they are YOUR kids. If they didn't do anything else, that's what makes them special.

Adventure in the New

I noticed that with both Grant and Wes, we shared new experiences together. Watching new movies, eating new foods, going new places, having new hidden jokes. Something about newness helped me see them in a new light. When we're in the same four walls, routine, and context, things can get old. Stale. Mundane. Grant and I bonded over digging graham cracker quarters into a cauldron of roasted marshmallows and chocolate. We commented on the flavors, textures, and what we'd try differently the next time. Wes and I bought strawberries at Wilson's Farm Stand, and sarcastically joked about a few of the scented candles at Yankee. In both cases, we made memories. We braved uncharted territory. Planted our flags at the top of new summits. That's what we need to do with our kids. I'm challenged to add variety to the life I have with the kids. Because it's fun. Because life can be tough. Because I want them to tuck these memories of me in their hearts just like I'm doing with them.

Let's make a summertime pledge. With the balance of the summer, let's plan one face to face per child. Even if it's something small, like a walk or a 99 cent sundae. It's beneficial, and you'll have a blast. I bid you happy one-on-one-ing.:)

Soul Seasons Part 4: Soul Autumn

Autumn is without a doubt my favorite season. The rainbow of leaves above, the coziness of soups and yes, cups of tea, and the sweet autumn air make it irresistible to me. But two things that are honest confessions for me are 1- I have been dreading writing this blog post, and 2- I dislike autumn as a soul season- at least I feel that way now.

You see the autumn that wraps nature in a robe of beauty, and the soul autumn I'm experiencing don't feel the same. Physical autumn is eye candy. Soul autumn is agony at times. In soul autumn, there is a dying to self, a letting go, and the close of a chapter. It was a few months ago that Steve and I felt the Holy Spirit telling us that our season at our church was coming to an end. The 9 glorious years spent there made it so hard to leave. The pastors are our dearest friends, the love is unmistakable, and we were comfortable. And yet, the direction from God was crystal clear. This journey with Jesus isn't always pretty. He will lead us into places that are downright painful; His purpose is our good, but more than that, His glory. 

When you find yourself at an end, an end of a relationship, a dream, a job, it can feel so bitter and bare. Sometimes we can see the writing on the wall when we're in a relationship/job/friendship/etc that drains us of our joy; it almost makes it easier to leave when things get sour. But what about when things are still sweet and there's an ending? It reminds me of the trees in fall. Summer begins to exit, and the bright green leaves start to turn. From verdant to gold, orange, or red. The leaves don't show any sign of distress when the change starts to happen. When soul summer becomes soul autumn, questions swirl in the air like falling leaves. "Why does this have to end?" "Why now?" "Why do things have to change now that I'm happy?" Have you ever found yourself asking questions like that to God? 

I've found myself fluctuating between excitement at this new God adventure, and feeling bare. Bare like a branch that had a beautiful cluster of flowers clipped from it forever. There is no mistaking though- those flowers are clipped because the gardener has new growth in mind for that branch. Growth like the branch has never seen before. God is leading us on from our church because He has new growth in store for us. Still though, I am grieving what was, while waiting for concrete proof that it was all worth it. The only hope and reward I have left after this pruning is God's presence, and His promises. His presence that stays with me while I'm in this season, and His promise that He blesses obedience. If this is you too, we're in the trenches together. Maybe you said goodbye to someone you loved, after asking God for a miracle. Maybe your job transferred you from one place to another, and you are faced with saying goodbye to friends, family, and a house. God has growing in mind for you. And what parting gifts is He imparting to you? His presence, and His promises. And while you're holding on to those with sweaty hands, and a lump in your throat, consider these two ways you can thrive in this season.

Refocus.

Maybe like me, you were so comfortable that you were on auto pilot. The cadence of your surroundings was in sync with your very heartbeat. And then the ending comes, and you are thrown off. Take some time to refocus. Who are you? What defines you? The things that you do, the relationships you are tied to, or the fact that you are a child of God? Remember that He gives you your worth, priceless one- not the gifts that He's given you. Lock eyes with Him- not on the beautiful flowers He's clipping off of you. His very life is coursing through your veins. And if His life is in you, you will grow anew. You are rooted and established in His love. Refocus on that truth in the midst of your grief. This might be the end of something, but it's not the ending of you. In fact, you are at another beginning. There is less of an extension of yours, but this cutback is positioning you for a comeback. 

Let Go.

Those technicolor leaves end their fiery display in being let go. I never realized that there is a double beauty in the changing foliage. Those gorgeous leaves go from bedazzling every bough of every tree to hurtling in a dazzling descent, blanketing the ground like a patchwork quilt. Those leaves are just as beautiful on the ground as they are on the tree. Their story isn't over though. As those leaves die, they break down, and bequeath their rich organic material to the soil underneath so that it's positioned to incubate new life, and enrich existing life.

So you see, the letting go of what God has called you to nourishes dreams, relationships, and seasons that are yet to be. Goodbyes are painful. Goodbyes make a heart ache. But goodbyes prepare for hellos. I find comfort in knowing that God isn't asking me to suck it up, and move on, never looking back. He is asking me to heal in forward motion. He is infusing my fingers with courage while they close this chapter to open a chapter yet unwritten. And He is happy to offer His shoulders to cry on when I'm feeling the pangs of missing out on the season I'm saying goodbye too. He fills the awkward space between the goodbye and the new beginnings with His steadfast love that makes us at home in every season. 

You can trust that as you let go, the hollow of your empty hand is the perfect receptacle for you to receive grace that will sustain you in this leg of the race. Grace that will cushion your heart in the act of letting go. 

May you see the beauty in this bittersweet season, just as I'm learning to.  I don't know what it is that you've let go of. I bet it was painful; it always is. However, in the midst of the aching, you can trust that the Gardener of your soul is taking extra care to ensure you're ready to grow, and that He will use what He pruned to nourish things yet to be. For with God, nothing is wasted.

Soul Seasons, Part 2: Spring

Ah, springtime. I love when winter begins to withdraw, and spring slowly takes center stage. You know that part of spring where things are still colorless and muddy? That's not quite my favorite; however, the part of spring where creation has come to life, and newness is in full swing, now that is more my cup of tea. It's funny though, because even the muddy part of spring is a welcome change from the lingering frigidity of winter, isn't it? Ralph Waldo Emerson said "The Earth laughs in flowers." How right he is. There is a joy that creation bubbles out when springtime rolls around.

So how do you know when you are experiencing springtime of the soul? Well, look around the landscape of your heart. Do you see sudden growth in areas that you didn't notice before? Are you seeing victory where there once was defeat? Are you enjoying and appreciating the beauty of God in the most "muddy" of places? Then, my friend, spring has sprung in your soul. To clarify though, just as seasons can overlap in creation, so seasons of the soul can overlap as well. You might feel a sampling of many seasons, but undoubtedly, there is one that emerges to the forefront. 

The change in climate demands a change in everyday life. What do I mean? Well, for example, in spring, there are things I need to put away, clean up, and rearrange. There are things I do out of necessity, and there are things I want to do because I want some eye candy after a long winter. When you are in springtime of the soul, there are things you have to do out of necessity, and things that you can do for fun. The two concepts I'm about to share are by no means comprehensive, but just a few thoughts that come to mind when new life is all around your soul.

Put Away

"...Let us put everything out of our lives that keeps us from doing what we should..." Hebrews 12: 1b

There are all kinds of beautiful things growing inside you, my friend! Maybe you have a new dream, passion, or calling. Maybe you are noticing that you're walking in new freedom and victory in your life. If you are growing like a weed, it's time to make room for that growing. There's this sudden urge a lot of people get in the spring that is called "spring cleaning." Maybe you're not among those folks, but hear me out for a bit. Something about the confining winter makes our worlds seem smaller, doesn't it? Then the thaw comes, and suddenly, the world seems bigger as the piles of snow get smaller. It's almost as if everyone wants to maximize all that space gained from winter's demise. Not only are dust bunnies being swept away, but there are those mercilessly de-cluttering closets, garages, and basements. Goods, clothing and furniture are burgeoning on thrift store platforms. That is what we must do when we are growing. What habits have we developed in long soul winters that need to be kicked to the curb? What spiritual clutter is littering our hearts and minds? What can we ask God to illuminate that needs to go so that room can be made for growth? These are all questions pregnant with potential to change the atmosphere of our souls.

Beautify

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24: 3-4

One of my favorite things to do in the spring is bring something beautiful into my living spaces. I purchased a few candles, gave my bedroom a little makeover with things I already owned, and made a nautical themed wreath to put on my door. Spring is a time when finding beautiful things is easy. Spiritually though, beauty goes beyond just having good taste. There's one sure fire way to bring beauty into your soul: acquiring wisdom. God is the source of all heavenly wisdom, and wisdom is found in His word. If you're looking for rare and beautiful treasures to festoon the halls of your heart, look no further than asking God for and diligently seeking wisdom. Want a new way to approach your strong willed child? Trying to find a purpose statement for 2015, and ways to live it out? Have finances you're trying to re-align? There's a verse for that. In fact, more than likely, many verses. There is wisdom waiting for you in scripture that will bring beauty to your life: but not just any kind of beauty, a rare beauty. A beauty that can't be found on Pinterest, or in the mall. A beauty that can't be sculpted and toned in the gym, or carved by a scalpel. I speak of the kind of beauty that lasts forever, and brings life, healing, and hope to a world drab with hopelessness. If you're experiencing springtime of the soul, even in the smallest degree, bring in beautiful wisdom to teach you which way to go, and which way to grow.

 "Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced." James 3: 17 THAT is a beautiful thing.

Put away. Beautify. Soak in every bit of this growing season you're in. Be renewed. Come alive. Spring forward; this is what you were made for.