Buddies For Blind Spots

I joke with people that the day that I gave birth to my first child was the day that I grew eyes in the back of my head. There have been so many times where I was able to catch a falling object, shield a child from bumping their head on something, and policing them carefully away from stair cases. I didn't always make it in time, but thankfully I've been able to avoid a couple of crises.

I find that as long as I can see, I have somewhat of an advantage maneuvering around life. Sometimes I can see things clearly and can side step around them. Not every danger is hidden from sight. But there are those times when I could use a literal pair of eyes in the back of my head. Like the times that I am harboring an awful attitude that needs changing, or the times that my bad habits sneak up on me without me seeing them, or the mindsets that I've had for years that I think are "normal" to have. I call these things as they are: my blind spots.

There's only a certain area of peripheral vision granted to us; only so much that we have the capacity to see. I can't always see the evil in my heart and mind. I can't always see how my words affect others. I can't always see which thoughts are straight from the pit and wreaking havoc in my mind. For those blind spots, there are only 2 solutions: God and people.

David in the book of Psalms cried out in Psalm 19:12, "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults." God sees every nook and cranny inside your heart, and yet He loves you fiercely in spite of everything. There isn't anything in your heart that He doesn't already know, so in effect, coming clean to a God who knows everything and loves you anyway is refreshing. Liberating. Absolutely cathartic. There's no hiding, no shame, no pretending. In His love, and by His truth, He will reveal to you anything lurking in your blind spot that threatens to sideswipe, sabotage and sink you. He is for you. He is on your side.

Much like the shape of the cross, our lives are hinged on two things- the vertical (our relationship with God) and the horizontal (our relationship with people). The thing about being a person is that I'm not perfect. I can't do anything perfectly. I can't love perfectly. But I have seen the beauty of an equally imperfect friend coming alongside me and lovingly telling me that she sees something in or around me that's not from God. And even though I might not always want to hear the truth about my stuff, I know deep down that she loves me. She's for me. She sees the best in me too. 

What a gift to have a friend who like a surgeon, uses the scalpel of truth and the sutures of grace to make us healed and whole in the end. Friends such as these are rare indeed. If you have them, keep them. If you don't, seek them out. 

And if it's you who feels the nudge to be eyes in the back of your friend's head, be gentle. Be honest. Be full of grace. With the same tenderness you would want someone to excise the cancer of sin from your heart, proceed in love. Pray for the right timing. Pray that their hearts and ears would be receptive. Pray for wisdom in your execution. Pray for restoration for your friend.

In these days of peril, lone wolfing it will only get you in a deep ditch without escape. We need a connection with an all knowing, all seeing, all present God for cleansing, correction, and care. And we need the camaraderie of one or two trusted friends who will commit to love us, cheer for us, and be eyes in the back of our heads to dangers without and within. May we have the courage and the clarity to  see our flaws through the mirror of God's word, and may His grace and wisdom steer us and our buddies as we watch out for each other. 

Stand firm. Stay sharp. Love well.

Ear Worms

I was chatting with a friend the other day about songs that are so catchy that they stay in your head for weeks.

"Oh, you mean an ear worm?" she casually replied.

"EW!!!! What's that?" I recoiled at the unfamiliar term.

"No," she explained, "That's what people call a song that gets stuck in your head."

Ever had that happen? You're in line in a store, and you hear it; that song that's way too catchy to ignore. Next thing you know, you're humming it in your car, you're singing it in the shower, you're blasting it like elevator music in the halls of your mind. Usually for me, the cure is simple: time, and listening to something else.

I realized that I've had ear worms through the years. Only they aren't songs, they're thoughts. Dangerous and deadly thoughts. Dismal and dominating thoughts. At the risk of sounding crazy, I hear voices in my head. Voices that say, "You'll never be as thin as her," "You are a bad Mom," "No one will ever listen to what you have to say," and on and on it goes. Next thing I know, if I'm not careful, I'm letting those thoughts take up space in my head when I'm parenting, when I'm alone, when I'm tired, and when I make a mistake. And if I'm not careful, I might let those thoughts stick around, leaving their nasty graffiti on the walls of my mind, cluttering rooms, and taking up precious real estate. Ever had those kind of thoughts in your head? Then our diagnosis is one in the same- we're plagued with ear worms.

The good news is, that no matter what the tune your ear worm is, it can be wiped out. An ear worm is stubborn, but not invincible. And the cure is both simple and complicated: time, and listening to something else.

You see there's a verse that says we need to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) . What does that mean? It means instead of getting friendly with every thought that pops in your head, inviting it in, taking its coat, offering it tea or coffee, and sitting down with it for as long as it chooses to stay, we need to be ruthless. We need to examine every thought we have, and ask it, "Where are you coming from? Who sent you? What are your intentions?" Channel your inner Dad-of-a-teenage-daughter-whose-date-just-arrived-at-the-door. If it's a thought that shames you, distracts you, tears you down, and trashes you from the inside out, give it the boot. And I'm talking size 13 military boot.

Since nature abhors a vacuum, you need to fill your mind with something else. It would help to fill your mind with what those who love you have to say, but if you're looking for something permanent, truth filled, and life changing, turn to the Word of God. The Artist who made your soul has more to say about you than anyone. Listen to the titles of some of His greatest singles, "I Paid the Highest Price For You", "You're Beautifully Made", "Adventure With Me", and "I'm All You Ever Need". Play those in your head enough, and they will ring through the halls of your mind like a symphony. It's what you've always wanted to hear, and it's 100% truth.

In addition to this, play show and tell. You see, as long as a thought is kept bottled up, it has power. You are its captive audience. And it bullies you by saying that people would think you were nuts if you ever told anyone about it. Can I tell you how much FREEDOM there is in confession? There have been times where I told my husband or trusted friend a thought soundtrack that was bouncing around in my head. Just having the thought leave my mouth, I could hear how much of a lie it was. And to have my husband or that friend say, "Oh that is so NOT true about you!" was like someone opening windows in a stuffy house and letting fresh spring air in. We need to do life with others.

It takes time to eradicate a villain song that's been playing in our heads for years. You might have to kick that same song out again and again until it's out for good. Stick with it. Ear worms make a MESS...and it will take a long time for the rooms of your mind to be straightened up. Even after the good tunes clean up the mess, it will take a while to remember you don't have to tiptoe around the broken vase that used to be there. Be tenacious. Don't give up. Don't give in.

So, Ear Worms? You are being served your eviction notice. You are played out and exposed for what you are...lies. Let's not allow that kind of elevator music in our minds, friends. Life is too short, and there are way better songs out there.