Buddies For Blind Spots

I joke with people that the day that I gave birth to my first child was the day that I grew eyes in the back of my head. There have been so many times where I was able to catch a falling object, shield a child from bumping their head on something, and policing them carefully away from stair cases. I didn't always make it in time, but thankfully I've been able to avoid a couple of crises.

I find that as long as I can see, I have somewhat of an advantage maneuvering around life. Sometimes I can see things clearly and can side step around them. Not every danger is hidden from sight. But there are those times when I could use a literal pair of eyes in the back of my head. Like the times that I am harboring an awful attitude that needs changing, or the times that my bad habits sneak up on me without me seeing them, or the mindsets that I've had for years that I think are "normal" to have. I call these things as they are: my blind spots.

There's only a certain area of peripheral vision granted to us; only so much that we have the capacity to see. I can't always see the evil in my heart and mind. I can't always see how my words affect others. I can't always see which thoughts are straight from the pit and wreaking havoc in my mind. For those blind spots, there are only 2 solutions: God and people.

David in the book of Psalms cried out in Psalm 19:12, "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults." God sees every nook and cranny inside your heart, and yet He loves you fiercely in spite of everything. There isn't anything in your heart that He doesn't already know, so in effect, coming clean to a God who knows everything and loves you anyway is refreshing. Liberating. Absolutely cathartic. There's no hiding, no shame, no pretending. In His love, and by His truth, He will reveal to you anything lurking in your blind spot that threatens to sideswipe, sabotage and sink you. He is for you. He is on your side.

Much like the shape of the cross, our lives are hinged on two things- the vertical (our relationship with God) and the horizontal (our relationship with people). The thing about being a person is that I'm not perfect. I can't do anything perfectly. I can't love perfectly. But I have seen the beauty of an equally imperfect friend coming alongside me and lovingly telling me that she sees something in or around me that's not from God. And even though I might not always want to hear the truth about my stuff, I know deep down that she loves me. She's for me. She sees the best in me too. 

What a gift to have a friend who like a surgeon, uses the scalpel of truth and the sutures of grace to make us healed and whole in the end. Friends such as these are rare indeed. If you have them, keep them. If you don't, seek them out. 

And if it's you who feels the nudge to be eyes in the back of your friend's head, be gentle. Be honest. Be full of grace. With the same tenderness you would want someone to excise the cancer of sin from your heart, proceed in love. Pray for the right timing. Pray that their hearts and ears would be receptive. Pray for wisdom in your execution. Pray for restoration for your friend.

In these days of peril, lone wolfing it will only get you in a deep ditch without escape. We need a connection with an all knowing, all seeing, all present God for cleansing, correction, and care. And we need the camaraderie of one or two trusted friends who will commit to love us, cheer for us, and be eyes in the back of our heads to dangers without and within. May we have the courage and the clarity to  see our flaws through the mirror of God's word, and may His grace and wisdom steer us and our buddies as we watch out for each other. 

Stand firm. Stay sharp. Love well.

The "ME" in "MEntor"

My heart still has wings from this past Wednesday. Although it was a weekday, it had the fun and spontaneity of a summer vacation day. I got to spend the day with a dear friend of mine.

She had some pre-Christmas errands to run, and I asked to tag along, since I had some of my own. And what would have been drudgery and rushing separately, became purposeful task accomplishing with laughter and meaningful conversation together. What could be better?

She may not realize this, but I consider her a mentor. She lives life full of love for Jesus, and walks out a purpose that is undeterred. She is always plotting and scheming- but never in a malicious way. She is ALWAYS thinking of ways she can bring a smile to someone's face. She is a Mom and a Grandmother. If I grew up to be half of who she is...well...that'd be pretty stinking amazing.

She has helped me through so much. I remember losing a friend a few years back, and she was there to encourage me to grieve, to be thankful in that painful situation, and to have hope in the future. I went through a bout of depression earlier this year, and I reached out to her. She gave me practical ideas to fight it off, and gave me the soothing presence of someone who had walked though something similar in her early years. Then there are days I just needed to hang out. She opens her home and gives me a slice of her life heaped with lots of love. There isn't a price tag for that.

It started me thinking, Titus 2 encourages older women to teach younger women "what is good". Very little of our conversation is my friend outright instructing me. Her life is a wordless instruction manual. I see her adoring her husband, standing by him, saving her best for him. I see her take phone calls from her grown children, and how she mixes love, humor, and timely advice into her words. I see her giving to her grandkids, to the church community, and to the needy. That's more instruction than I could ever learn from words...she is LIVING it.

Everyone needs a mentor. There is always someone slightly ahead of you in your journey that could teach you volumes about life. We all need someone who can coach us through the tough stuff, who we can call to bounce ideas off of, and who will encourage us to be the best us possible. And on the flip side, we are all slightly ahead of someone in life. There's someone who is in a place you have come from who could use the advice you wish you had gotten when you were there. And the beauty of being a mentor or a mentee is that age is just a number. You have something to glean from people younger than you, and you have something to give people older than you.

The beauty about what I have with my friend is that she was my friend first. She and I started serving in similar areas in church, and I got to know her that way. Over the years, we have grown closer, and God has birthed something beautiful from our friendship: she is now my mentor. She didn't scan the church crowd, pick me out, and think to herself, "That's the girl I'll take under my wing." At least, not right away. Her being my mentor happened organically, once a friendship was established. I am not her project- I am her friend. And that's one of the best ways these things begin. I know how much she cares for me...and because of that, I am her captive audience.

When prayerfully choosing a mentor, look for someone who emulates a place you want to be someday. Someone who is not perfect, but beautifully imperfect. Someone who loves like Jesus, and like a diamond, admits her flaws, but shines her God given inner beauty. And most likely, you already are someone's mentor, even if you don't realize it. Ask God to make you the best mentor possible. You have something to offer that someone needs. Desperately. Hold the gift you have to offer towards Heaven, and ask God to multiply it and use it for His glory.

So where does your "ME" fit into "MEntor"? Do you have one? Are you open to being one? Because either way, though you have much to give, you also have much to receive.

Charisa

PS- Leave me a comment! What has one of your mentors taught you? What have you shared with someone else? :)