Embedded in the fibers of my bathrobe is SILLY PUTTY.
It was an ordinary day last week when I noticed it. I went
to pick up my beautiful L.L. Bean light purple bathrobe that my husband got me
last Christmas, when I noticed that interrupting the bright color was another
color. A light beige gummy texture had adhered to the terry. That's when it hit
me: someone had put Silly Putty on my bath robe. I felt the mercury rising in
my frustration-o-meter. "This is one of the only nicer things I own, and
now it has SILLY PUTTY on it?!?!" I channeled my inner Sherlock Holmes,
and pieced together a plausible story that explained this minor tragedy.
Janessa (my 6 year old) was probably playing with the sinister goo, and instead
of putting it back safely in its egg shaped case, she left it to its own
devices. The putty then decided to make extra friendly with my bath robe, and
the rest as they say, is history.
My frustration peaked again yesterday when I discovered that
my newly organized bedroom had ended up
in a state of minor disarray. My spaciously streamlined dresser was now covered
in various art pieces by Janessa. The Monopoly card game that I had tossed in
my bedroom's waste basket had been resurrected again, and placed in a pile on
the floor. "I JUST cleaned this room!!!! What is this?!?!" Steve and
I have joked around through the years that there's only one word for mysterious
messes, broken belongings, and abolished agendas. Sabotage.
Being a Mom has been one of the most honored privileges that
I am blessed to be part of. I used to dream of what my kids would look like,
sound like, and grow up to be. And yet, being a Mom, sometimes I get trapped in
discontentment in the here and now. Being a Mom has chiseled me into a learned Type
A. I make plans, I write lists, I clean messes. Sometimes I get frustrated when
the kids take my two steps forward and turn into one step backward. And then I
remember lyrics to a song by Trace Adkins called, "You're Gonna Miss
This":
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Discontentment settles like an itch on
the skin of my soul, and instantly I'm tempted to scratch it with wishing away.
Wishing away the frustrations, the messes, the ages and the stages. The
"Why can'ts" and the "Someday when's" connect with my
current irritations, and I'm given the false hope that the future will be
better in some way shape or form. But the truth is that even if today's
troubles are over, tomorrow will have new ones. I'm past children in diapers,
but teens dating are ahead of me. I'm done with teething, but wisdom teeth are
yet to come. I may have navigated through training wheels, but I'm raising 4
future student drivers. Shocking, but true.
I look at my bath robe in a new light. The
stubborn substance enmeshed into those thirsty threads was placed there by the
dainty fingers of a little girl who is absolutely priceless. A girl who uses
those hands to draw me pictures of Mommy and baby animals, because she
treasures the mother daughter relationship so much.
A girl who grows a little
older every day. A girl who will one day be a teenager, who'll be a young
woman. A girl who I will one day try to wish back, because I miss her so much. Though
I won't be able to bring her back, but what I can do is celebrate today.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and be glad today! Psalm 118:24
Let us rejoice and be glad today! Psalm 118:24
Today, she is 6 and lives at home. She
goes to kindergarten half the day, and comes home to eat lunch with me. She is
my mini me in a million different ways. She has a feisty sense of humor. Today,
I will celebrate who she is. Today, I will celebrate where each of my kids is
at. Today is a day not for wishing away, but for slow savoring. So slow that
when today becomes 20 years ago, I'll still have the taste of these fleeting
days on my palate. I'll probably forget about the bath robe with Silly Putty.
However the Janessa of today, I'm going to miss her. Let's look at the temporal
in the light of the eternal. Let's overlook today's pebbles in the light of
life's big milestones. After all, today's "sabotages" are tomorrows
sweetest memories.
You keep making me cry with these beautiful and honest posts! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, this blog is a precious, precious gem. Love you!
ReplyDeletePriscil
Thank you Priscilla! You don't know how much that means to me :) xo
DeleteThank you Priscilla! You don't know how much that means to me :) xo
DeleteOmg I'm crying. I needed this too..in fact I need this every day! You're not alone in those moments of wishing away. I'm thankful for no more diapers but I already miss them being babies..such a good reminder to be present in the present.
ReplyDelete