Seeking Thanks in the Shadows

 

I looked around the bathroom at the gleaming mirror, spotless sink, and sparkling toilet. Satisfaction filled my heart as I thought, "This bathroom looks GREAT. Glad that's over with!" Subconsciously though,  I was setting a thank-trap. In my mind, someone would notice the improvement to our half bath, and say, "Thank you for cleaning the bathroom, Mom!" I should have known that's not how it would play out.

One of our kids walked in the bathroom and said, "This bathroom SMELLS like chemicals." "What?!" I retorted in disbelief. "But...(stammering)....didn't you notice how clean it is now?" They shook their head in disagreement. "No- I didn't notice that, I just noticed how much it smells like chemicals." My eyebrows froze at the top of my forehead as if I had overdosed on Botox. I. Can't. Even. Believe. 

Ah, the mirror of children. If anyone will show me just how selfish I am and just how much I need a Savior, it's the four Martins under my roof. Unwittingly, they've taught me infinitely as much as I've taught them. And that day, the picture I saw of myself in that streak free, Windex-ed mirror, was one that I've seen before. Instead of a no strings attached act of genuine love and kindness, my unnoticed upgrade had a taut string attached to it that led straight to my ego. Ouch.

Someone told me once that being a Mom is a thankless job. And in almost 12 years of being a Mom,  I've learned that she is partially right. There are parts of motherhood that I do as a sacrifice and a privilege, no questions asked. Then there are other times that I hope, just a smidge, that someone will notice me. That someone will catch me in the act and applaud. Yet sometimes it feels like I'm alone on an empty stage with no one in the audience. Just being real. Only now, I've come to learn that my job isn't thankless. There's always someone applauding faintly in the shadows. God.

The verse in Colossians that I've been zeroing in on since the first time someone rejected my cooking is this one:

  

 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." 3:23

This verse has been the pillow that's broken my fall on more than one occasion. It's a two way street that leads to life in both directions. There's one road that encourages me to be excellent in all my work, because in the end, I'm not really doing it for people's approval, I'm doing it as worship to God. But oh, then there's the sweet road that leads another way. If in fact I never get thanks from people, I still win. Because in the end, it's not for them anyway!

That verse invites us all into a paradigm shift. Instead of chasing after the loud chords of praise from those we are positioned to serve, God shows us another way. He shows us that His long term, endless song of approval over us lasts longer than the one strum thanks we can get in this lifetime. That the pat on the back we settle for is eclipsed and overtaken by His loving and constant embrace of acceptance. How I want to default to the latter every single time. But I'm still in the process. Under construction. Not done. In His grace though, and I say this tongue in cheek, God is still giving me plenty of opportunities to practice. As He does you.

So the next time our hearts yearn for applause on a stage, may we be confident that God thanks us in the shadows. That even if no one else sees, He does. That even if the acts of service given aren't appreciated or even rejected outright, that He can see straight to your loving heart. 

Nothing is wasted. Not one ingredient, not one text or phone call, not one gift given, and not one toilet scrubbed.

He thanks you. For every moment that you give without expecting anything in return. For taking the heat when giving someone a cup of cold water. For every time you reached out and was pushed back. You are celebrated, noticed, and loved by the only one who matters. May His smile be the only reward we seek.