The Mess In My Minivan

She took a long look inside my van, and her response to seeing it made my heart sink.

I was catching up on cleaning. I pulled a muscle in my lower back earlier in the week, so now that I was on the mend I started de-cluttering everything that had piled up. I made my rounds in the house, and placed a few trash bags on the roof of my van so I could haul them to the dumpster. After clearing my roof, I took a look in my van. Oscar the Grouch would have been right at home. There were church papers, school papers, and out-of-place papers. There were empty bottles, broken crayons, and weekday JUNK. I thought, "Hey, I'm right here at the dumpster- might as well clean this too!"

I drove my newly de-cluttered van to my home away from home: the carpool line at my kids' school. I put the van in park, busted out a book I've been devouring, and opened my door in preparation for Janessa to come in. I was halfway through a page, when a pleasant voice broke the silence. It was a sweet Mom friend that I've made since the beginning of the school year. After a few pleasant exchanges, she took a look inside my van.

"Oh my goodness!! Your van is SO CLEAN!! I'm embarrassed- my car is a WRECK right now! How do you do it?"

My heart sank. Had she caught me the day before, she would have seen an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive on wheels. I didn't understand why I was saddened at her response, until it hit me. She caught me in the After. I tried to explain that I had JUST cleaned it, and that my van was a wreck a mere 15 minutes earlier, but all my back pedaling didn't distract her from what her eyes were showing her.

I've been keenly aware over the past few years that people are looking for something real. Not so much an excuse for themselves, but a comfort in the here and now that life is messy. We've gotten so used to the photoshopped appearances of society that we're tempted to compare our reality to someone else's seemingly perfect exterior.

Confession: my house, my life, and my emotions are MESSY. Reality: I have 4 children that make messes 4 times quicker than I can clean them My life is super busy with a generous pinch of chaotic, and finished with a glaze of rest here and there. My emotions are pretty stable, but sometimes, I even annoy myself. Guess what? I just read you a page from your story too. 

I'm learning that not only does being vulnerable with the right people bring comfort to them, it makes you REAL. My pastor told me several years ago that a cubic zirconia is flawless yet worthless. A diamond however is insanely valuable. What makes it valuable is its flaw. What makes YOU authentic is your flaws. Why? Because no one is perfect.

That's why we desperately need a Savior who IS. The only one in this world who lived a perfect life and would have every right to condemn us did not. His is the hand that would touch lepers with peeling skin. His is the hand that wrote on the ground and saved the woman caught in adultery from an angry mob's stones. And His was the hand that was pinned to a cross so that forgiveness and grace could be poured out for you and for me. And His is the hand that reaches out to us and invites us to do life with Him. To find victory in Him. To be REAL with Him.

My prayer for you is that you find people who love you in spite of your imperfections. I'm not a gambling woman, but I'm willing to bet that those people know how comforting it is to be loved in spite of their own flaws. In our day to day cycles of mess-making and cleaning, if we're caught in the mess, may we be real. If we're caught in the after, may we extend grace. Let's not be afraid to do life, however messy it may be, together.

She took a long look inside my van, and her response made me discover that we are more alike than she realized.